There’s speculative fiction and then there’s non-existent fiction. Tyler Taormina’s debut feature—not to be confused with Charles Bukowski’s semi-autobiographical novel of the same name—is stripped so bare simply as to feel tedious rather than considered. This humdrum coming-of-age story centers on an event where an unidentified suburban town’s teenagers, adorned in what look to be Virgin Suicides costumes, eat deli sandwiches, awkwardly dance, and participate in some kind of cabalistic rite of passage. One young woman, the de-facto protagonist, Haley (Haley Bodell), questions the custom, thus providing for the film’s laconic tension; there’s an infuriatingly underwhelming scene that hints at a turn toward the quasi-supernatural, after which many kids seemingly disappear. Most everything is inexplicable, but some of it is just pure mumbo-jumbo, stylized enigma being the fall-back of such ponderous indies. Parts of the script, cowritten by Taormina and Eric Berger, are humorous when trading in familiar coming-of-age tropes; the ensemble cast features more than 100 performers, among them Danny Tamberelli and Lori Beth Denberg from the classic Nickelodeon shows The Adventures of Pete & Pete and All That, respectively (and respectfully—true legends, both of them), as well as other former child actors Clayton Snyder and Aaron Schwartz. A vague, existential comedy influenced by children’s shows of the 90s and early aughts, among other media, is an interesting premise; as an actual film, it’s almost aggressively wearisome.