Alexandre Dumas’ quintessential swashbuckler has inspired such fine adaptations as the rowdy 1921 version starring Douglas Fairbanks and the splendid The Three Musketeers (1973) and The Four Musketeers (1974), both directed by Richard Lester. But this one is overblown, over-dressed, and grandiosely dopey, packed with gargantuan sets and ludicrous action scenes and shot in unusually dark and dingy 3-D. Teen dream Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief) plays D’Artagnan as an arrogant frat boy, and though he makes the musketeers (Matthew Macfadyen, Ray Stevenson, Luke Evans) look good by comparison, the only real pleasure here is Christoph Waltz, amusingly hammy as the wily Cardinal Richelieu. (Milla Jovovich, as Milady, offers pure action cheesecake.) The script is by Andrew Davies (Pride and Prejudice), the frenetic, gimmicky direction by Paul W.S. Anderson (Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil).