If I were a vampire, I’d want to be like the ones in Twilight—they never get stakes hammered into them, they all look like models, they can hang out in the daytime (in fact sunlight makes their skin glisten like diamonds), and they make up the coolest clique in school, wearing hip clothes and strutting around in a pack. This adaptation of the best-selling novel by Stephenie Meyer never rises above the level of a teen soaper on the CW, and its pale, sulky boy toys (Kellan Lutz, Peter Facinelli, Jackson Rathbone) are more silly than scary. Kristen Stewart is the heroine, who moves to a small logging town in Washington State and falls for pouty classmate Robert Pattinson; the director is Catherine Hardwicke, who debuted with the cautionary Thirteen and has been sliding ever since. PG-13, 121 min.