The premise of this contemptible comedy—the fashion industry conspires to remove world leaders who oppose child labor—isn’t absurd enough to be funny. Director Ben Stiller, who wrote the screenplay with Drake Sather and John Hamburg, plays the title character, a top model who starts looking for more challenging work when up-and-comer Owen Wilson steals his thunder. The movie repeatedly comes to a halt so other characters can give Zoolander patronizing looks as he mispronounces words or uses bad grammar—a stance as shallow as the filmmakers want us to believe he is.