This happened back when I was in my younger, it’s-all-about-getting-sex days. My friends and I came here for drinks one night. I went up to the bar to get cocktails, and this pretty blue-eyed blond put her hand on my arm and told me she wanted to take me home. Without hesitating I went, “Give me one minute.” I took the drinks back to the table, then came back to her and said, “Come on, let’s go.” She got up and promptly fell flat on her face. She was just shitfaced to the bejesus. The bouncer was like, “You’ve got to get her out of here,” and suddenly she was my responsibility. We had no idea where her purse was, I couldn’t wake her up, and no one knew who she was. My friends wanted nothing to do with it. Finally, the only choice I had was to pile her in my car, because I couldn’t find out who she was or where she lived. So I drove her all the way out to my place in Elgin and got her into bed. No sooner was she lying down than she was puking everywhere. I ended up getting a couple of hours of sleep. She woke up and was like, “Who the fuck are you and where the fuck am I?” She was nice but freaked-out when I explained. After that we actually tried to date, but as it turned out she was married, so needless to say it didn’t work out. Be careful what you wish for is my motto.
–Chip Schey, surveyor