My roommates Brian and Andy and I had been here having a nice evening. Around midnight we went home and went to bed. Sometime in the middle of the night I heard shuffling down the hallway, and my doorknob rattled like someone was trying to open it. But then it stopped, and the shuffling went back down the hallway. Whoever it was tried Andy’s bedroom door with no luck either. But Brian was awake and thought it was me or Andy, so he opened the door to find an absolutely gorgeous piss-drunk girl who came on to him, wanting to get laid. He’d never seen her before, and thinking it was Andy’s or my girlfriend he said, “No, no,” and set her up on the living room sofa with a blanket and a pillow. The next morning we woke up and the coffee table was knocked over, there was one lone sock in the middle of the room, and the back door was wide open. Apparently this girl woke up, had no idea where she was, and just ran. All the doors were locked when we got home, so we had no clue how she got in the apartment. We asked all the neighbors if they’d buzzed her up, but no one had. We even went so far as to draw a sketch of her and put it up here at Jake’s, but nobody ever fessed up.

–Ben Brookes, arts administrator