Over the years I’ve waited tables, I’ve seen a lot of characters. Among the most memorable would be two guys who came into a place I used to work one night. They had this little suitcase with them, and they sat down at a table and asked for a high chair. At that point they opened up the suitcase and took out a life-size male doll dressed in infant’s clothes. It wasn’t a ventriloquist’s dummy or a play doll of the sort you would give to a kid; it was like a replica of a child. The mouth opened, and the arms and legs were movable. They introduced the doll as their child–“This is our new baby,” they said. They had a bib that they took out and put on it, preparing for the meal. Then they ordered dinner and got a little side plate for the child. They chatted back and forth and pretend-fed the child and spoke to it. Sometimes they would touch it and wipe the food from its mouth. When they finished they paid their bill, cleaned up the baby, took it out of the high chair and put it back in the suitcase, locked it up, and walked back out. Everybody was just like, “What the hell?”

–Rex Booth, server