I’ve been with Second City for five years, and though we dearly love our audiences . . . Hey, didn’t I just sound like the perfect mouthpiece when I said that? Anyway, over time I’ve developed a mental list of things not to do at an improv show. For instance, improv is not necessarily call-and-response–the actors will let you know when they want your feedback. When giving suggestions avoid sexual situations–the actors are not going to take off their clothes, so save the dry-hump fantasies for when you get home. Also, don’t audition for the box office staff–we’ve heard it all, shut up, move on. And, please, no fondling, swearing, relieving yourself in public areas, no dry-humping fantasies acted out. (That’s a big one; can you tell?) Threaten the staff with physical violence and you’ll quickly be escorted off the premises by a member of Chicago’s finest–and don’t expect a refund, ya psycho. Finally, hecklers be warned: you’re dealing with some of the smartest, fastest people in the world. If you dish it, they will throw it right back tenfold. Other than that, relax and enjoy the show. Simple enough, right?

–Robin Johnson, producer