I used to live just around the corner from here. Back when I dated more often–before I was in my dotage–people were always trying to fix me up, and so I suffered through a lot of blind dates. I struck upon the idea of coming here. If the date was going badly I could break it off, feigning one of my sick headaches, and head for home in time to catch the Golden Girls marathon. It’s a neighborhoody, pool tabley, funky, casual late-night bar. I completely forgot that the video screen over the bar constantly runs gay male porn–very explicit stuff. I would be halfway through a drink with a stranger, chattering away, before I realized that the blind date had been staring over my shoulder, not looking in my eyes but up at the gay male porn. “Don’t come here for first dates,” I would think, and then completely forget by the next setup. That these guys were obviously porn freaks saved me from at least four disastrous relationships. I don’t want to imply that I haven’t been known to screen a bit of gay porn in the privacy of my home. But, please, wait until after the Golden Girls marathon!

–Steve Hickson, executive assistant