My friends and I were all here in full club mode, celebrating a birthday, and we noticed this tall, heavyset guy following us all around and giving me the eye. When I was at the bar, he was at the bar; when I was on the dance floor, he was on the dance floor. When the club closed my friends and I went to get my car and there he was again, parked right next to me. He said hello and tried to flirt, but I brushed him off, lying that I had a boyfriend. When we got on the expressway I saw a car like his behind me. I didn’t think too much of it, but suddenly he sped up until he was alongside me, and my friends and I could see that he was masturbating like crazy. I called the police on my cell, and within minutes they had the guy pulled over. We pulled off just ahead, and after a few minutes one of the cops came over to us and said, “He ejaculated all over the place. We had to have him clean himself up and pull his pants back up before he got out of the car.” One of my friends knows the guy and says he has a foot fetish. I was wearing sandals that night–maybe it’s my cute little feet that got me into trouble.

–Lenox Magee, freelance journalist