Every year at Halloween I go as something slutty-ish, because it’s really fun. This year I was Dirty Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. I had on a short, short skirt, a really low-cut bustier bra, and red spiked stiletto high heels. We went to a preparty and started with the jungle juice and proceeded to get shit faced. Then we met some friends here. We were watching this female Elvis impersonator, and she starts talking about me on the microphone. She kept calling me Dirty Dorothy and making fun of me in front of the whole bar, but I was so wasted I didn’t even notice. So my friend Michelle in the naughty nurse outfit starts yelling back at her, “Don’t be mad just because you’re this crazy female Elvis impersonator and we’re cute girls!” The She-Elvis chilled out, but the next thing I knew she was underneath me looking up my skirt. My girlfriend and I freaked out, and she grabbed the mike out of the She-Elvis’s hand and proceeded to tell the whole audience how dirty this crazy lesbian Elvis impersonator was. My best friend is gay, and I’m not homophobic, but I was dressed in such skimpy attire–I just didn’t expect a female to be on the ground looking up my skirt. I realized at that point I was not in Kansas anymore, and my boyfriend and I had a tornado return us home.

–Tammy Naughton, sales