Who’d You Do?

by d.

During the “closes” (that’s what we publishing types call getting an issue out to the printer) at the magazine where I used to work, we would play this little game called “Who’d Ya Rather?” The rules were pretty simple. You’d be given two candidates. Both pretty vile. And you’d have to indicate which one of the two you’d sleep with if you had to repopulate the world and why. As I’m feeling a little nostalgic these days, I decided for this issue’s Debate This that I would engage all of you in my version of Who’d Ya Rather? (now renamed Who’d You Do?). Below are your candidates. And I ask you, who’d you do? And why?



Corren: Are you serious!

OK…I will tackle this like I do any other disgustingly twisted choice I come across in life…the tally sheet!

ODB vs. Flava

Can be seen in public with me – Oh hell nah!!!

Front man; hype man

Comatose; politically conscious

Gov’t cheese;

Yellow teeth; gold teeth (um–scratch this one)

Shiny neck adornment; big ass clock (in multiple colors)

“Gimmie my money!”; “Don’t believe da hype!”

Simple b&w pic demonstrating semi-fashion-conscious state; vivid color photo displaying–oh shit my retinas!!!

Com’on people! The choice is clear…ODB

I’d take a conjugal visit over regular ones!!!

DaMistriss: I’m sorry. I can’t do it. I can’t choose. I won’t choose. God will have to start all over with the sixth day!

Matese: Honey, this world would come to an end. Could you image lookin’ up at ODB. I will be havin’ nightmares at the thought of this. All that nasty in his mouth.

Amylulu: If I jack Flava off in a Dixie cup and artificially inseminate myself with a turkey baster, does that count as an official “do”?

Editrix: The tally thus far:


Flava Flav 2

End of the world 4

Misshelll: Don’t think it is fair to ask this question without a chance to examine the equipment (from below the belt). Everything above the belt sounds equally repulsive, so if it is for the sake of mankind, I’d at least like a nice tool.

Brenda: Girl, I ain’t feelin’ neither one of those rejects. Why aren’t they on your undesirable list? Topping it? I would have to say my vibrator looks pretty damn good next to them…and gets the job done with no grief.

Foxy Browne: And the winner is: NEITHER ONE OF THOSE STANKY BUSTERS!! LMAO!! I can’t choose between a crackhead w/a cracked face (Flav) and a crackpot (ODB)! If I reproduced w/either of them, you might as well call it “The Planet of the Apes”! Since I’m not much on Darwin, so I think I’ll just let the world end. LOL!!

Rita: Osama can shoot me cause I ain’t fuckin naw one of these ugly ass nigga’s

Dom: damn. damn. damn. in a situation like that, u would really have to ask…Why lord hast thou forsaken me…but i would have to pick…artificial insemination.