The problem with Tom Ridge’s new color-coded terrorist alert system is that when you see orange, you think Halloween–not “high risk of terrorist attack.” But when you see Dr. Smith from Lost in Space, you know it means trouble. Here are some alert systems all Americans can understand.


Risk Level

Low: Blue

Guarded: Green

Elevated: Yellow

High: Orange

Severe: Red


Risk Level

Low: Wile E. Coyote

Guarded: Mojo Jojo

Elevated: Montgomery Burns

High: Bluto

Severe: Snidely Whiplash


Risk Level

Low: The Cat in the Hat

Guarded: The Raven

Elevated: The eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleburg

High: Injun Joe

Severe: Voldemort


Risk Level

Low: Eddie Haskell

Guarded: J.R. Ewing

Elevated: Dr. Smith

High: The One-Armed Man

Severe: The Joker