The problem with Tom Ridge’s new color-coded terrorist alert system is that when you see orange, you think Halloween–not “high risk of terrorist attack.” But when you see Dr. Smith from Lost in Space, you know it means trouble. Here are some alert systems all Americans can understand.
COLORS
Risk Level
Low: Blue
Guarded: Green
Elevated: Yellow
High: Orange
Severe: Red
CARTOONS
Risk Level
Low: Wile E. Coyote
Guarded: Mojo Jojo
Elevated: Montgomery Burns
High: Bluto
Severe: Snidely Whiplash
BOOKS
Risk Level
Low: The Cat in the Hat
Guarded: The Raven
Elevated: The eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleburg
High: Injun Joe
Severe: Voldemort
OLD TV SHOWS
Risk Level
Low: Eddie Haskell
Guarded: J.R. Ewing
Elevated: Dr. Smith
High: The One-Armed Man
Severe: The Joker