Call Bill Clinton “Mr. President,” but also call him “human crime wave.” Though he busted a gut getting his crime bill through Congress, over the last two years Clinton has been implicated in a string of murders and suicides that’s surprisingly long, even for a politician. Last month, Clinton’s crime spree finally reached Chicago.

On August 17 Robert Armstead, 36, of south suburban Harvey, stabbed his roommate John King because President Clinton told him to. “He was watching the news,” said Harvey police detective sergeant Larry Patterson, “and President Clinton spoke to him through the television and told him to go and transform John King into an angel, and that’s what he’d done.” Armstead transformed King with a butcher knife, stabbing him three times in the stomach and once in the face as he lay in his bed. King died five days later. Clinton is not being charged.

Other points on the Clinton crime map:

Vietnam vet Ron Elliot protested President Clinton’s visit to Normandy for D-Day celebrations in June by wiring a box of dynamite to his wrist and holing up in his friend’s bar in Crown King, Arizona. He negotiated with police for seven hours before blowing himself up on the dirt road outside. Friends told reporters Elliot was disgusted that a draft dodger was representing the military at D-Day ceremonies. “He wanted everyone to know about his beliefs and make a statement about Clinton’s draft dodging and disrespect,” said the bar owner’s daughter. “He was the best man this mountain had.” Elliot told his friends the day before that he had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor.

As reported in News of the Weird, Army Corps of Engineers employee Thomas Iracki was driven to suicide last September by Clinton’s cutbacks, which included Army Corps staff reductions. Iracki, 36, of Oakland, jumped from the 12th floor of the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Services Building in San Francisco. Vice President Al Gore may be an accessory in this case, as coworkers report Iracki became “increasingly despondent” after Gore visited San Francisco and confirmed that the Corps’ regional office would be reduced by half.

Last August an apparently drunk sergeant Kenneth Junior French toted two shotguns, a .22-caliber rifle, and a bag of ammunition into Luigi’s restaurant in Fayetteville, North Carolina, and killed four patrons and wounded six others. According to a waitress, French shouted, “I’ll show you, Clinton!” and “You think I’m not going to do this? I’ll show you about gays in the military!” French, a 22-year-old soldier from Fort Bragg, was shot and disarmed by police.

Christian right-wing leader Pat Robertson insists Clinton was behind the suicide of White House deputy counsel Vincent Foster last year. The New York Times quoted Robertson as saying, “Was there a murder of a White House counsel? It looks more and more like that.”

Christian right-wing leader Jerry Falwell sells a videotape on his Old Time Gospel Hour that accuses Clinton of having an Arkansas private detective murdered because the detective knew about Clinton’s affairs. The tape features the detective’s son, who says, “I think Bill Clinton had my father killed to save his political career.”

Clinton remains at large.

Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Kurt Mitchell.