Note to self: Don’t die aloneCredit: Found magazine

This nugget of gold came to us from the good people at Found magazine—and it inspired us to ask Twitterers to tweet us their #idealmate (with the results being only slightly less bleak).

Here are some of our favorite responses:

@jennifermiayoon: Maladjusted with emotional baggage. Socially inept. Deadpan. Bespectacled.

@ajanbrothers: this is too easy: beard, flannel, cabin, hatchet – basically a real-life, non-hip lumberjack.

@borrachabaker: Snarky bastard with a heart of gold. Bonus points if he looks like a lumberjack.

@Josevedo: Is my Netflix Instant account in human form.

@ChrisDavisCW: My #idealmate would not try to look past the surface, & would simply judge me for the beautiful person I am on the outside.

@sobooth: Met thru ReaderMatches. Took 40yrs but dont give up until True love will find U in the end

@OMGSammiches: Orders your drink without asking what you want. Doesn’t have a cat. Smirks. Preferably, old money.

@OMGSammiches: Sorry, forgot one: Will take you to get chicken nuggets when you are drunk.

@imleor: A pulse?

@lefttheprairie: Smart, interesting, maybe a little awkward, and within walking distance of my apartment.

@dreinbean: a year ago my answer was hairy, enjoys good beer and food. I’ve since added ‘wears deodorant’ to the list.

@briantmorrissey: I’ve found her: she doesn’t cook. That’s the source of my power.

@AndrewRWright: Someone who is willing to put up with the absurd hours of a freelance illustrator.

@megtay08: Tall nerd who owns at least one piece of camo clothing

@midwesttgs: Someone who understands and loves me as I am, with the knowledge that I’ll work to be better. And must love bacon.

@mousejammer: My #idealmate has the same STDs that I do.

@gingerninja507: Attractive, knows the difference between “your” and “you’re,” and able to view my wide variety of neuroses as adorable.

@lttlmissmayhem: Far but not too far. Close but not too close. Good kisser. Tall so I can wear any shoes and not tower over. Scorpio a plus.

@jenn_swann: knows how to dance the charleston and can beat me at scrabble.

@thedougkaplan: my ideal mate has a completely complementary record collection to mine, filling in gaps in my discography with no overlap

@annradtweets: Yo, @Chicago_Reader, My #idealmate would be aurally+orally pleasing, have good eyebrows, live near Berlin, and not read my twitter.