You know, I have been reading Savage [Savage Love] for years because it’s funny shit. But lately it just seems the writer is too hung up on the “gays and marriage” thing. Who is to stop you from having a ceremony? Just because you don’t get the “paper” doesn’t mean it’s going to stop you from enjoying all of the relationship things that any other couple does. This writer should focus on the letters he chooses to publish and give them the benefit of the same old shitty (funny) advice as in past years. It’s a personal column in name only. His perspective should not be personalized. You can give advice without making it personal. Call it like you see it.

So the “states” don’t recognize gay marriage. Big fucking deal. Move on! You know it’s just a matter of time before it’s a done deal. We live in one of the most democratic countries in the world. Take comfort in knowing (1) it’s going to be at the hands of one of the liberal east coast states or California, (2) it’s going to happen, and (3) no one’s standing in your bedroom with a gun to your head preventing you from sucking your boyfriend’s . . . well, you know.

Sick of the personal shit.


Machesney Park

Dan Savage replies:

The “big fucking deal” isn’t about access to cock. I worry about access to my partner if he gets ill. I worry about my partner having access to my social security benefits should I die. I worry that when he inherits my property he will have to pay taxes (unlike a spouse) on it and may lose the house we share (and where our son lives). Basically, the “big fucking deal” is about the more than 1,100 rights, privileges, and responsibilities that only marriage brings. We can attempt to create, at great expense, some of the legal protections marriage brings–but only some. And wills, powers of attorney, and medical directives can and often are challenged in the courts.

So while I’m grateful for the free and easy access I have to my boyfriend’s cock, we, as a couple, after 11 years together, would like to have the same legal protections that any straight couple of five minute’s aquaintance can access.

But, yes, I do take comfort. I too believe that same-sex marriage rights are coming. I want them to come sooner rather than later, and I’m going to remain pissed–power pissed–until gay couples enjoy the same access to civil marriage.