Tuesday morning. Found myself at Paulina and Roscoe down from bland-burbia. Finally decided I was never going to write my resume because even though I worked my ass off to get my degree in social work, actually working in social work terrifies me. So here I am visiting a professional resume writer, and as a reward for facing reality for a few minutes, I wander across the street to Su Van’s Cafe & Bakeshop. And I’m sitting outside in the sun, happy with myself, lookin’ good in my jeans, liking the six pounds I lost. Thinking I should get in the city more often…I’m still with it, I’m still hot, I still have perky breasts. Delusions abound.

I pick up the Reader and while I am eating the best BLT I have ever eaten, check out Savage Love, the Straight Dope and start on the main story. Should be amusing. Clearly written by some burnt-out but interesting old geezer. Will give me some idea of what to avoid when I reach that advanced age–probably at least 65–of geezerhood. Or would the female equivalent be “old biddy.” And I am amused until I reach page 14 and discover Mr. Meltzer is 56. Noooooo…I am 56 and I am not ready for old biddyhood yet. So what if I leave Post-it notes on the kitchen door reminding me of dentist appointments? The mundane just is not interesting enough to keep in the forefront of my mind. I have more important things to think about. So, OK, some of those younger people–anyone under 45–either don’t see me at all or see me as their mother. I hate that. Sometimes I want to wear a sign. I am not your mother. I still like sex. You can say fuck in front of me. In fact, if you hang around long enough you will probably hear me say it.

Arrgh…I hate that article. I hate that there were so many similarities. And I loved it…especially the existential duration of a day. I’m so glad somebody straightened that out. And thank you, Richard Meltzer, for all the new words.

Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to go take a nap.



PS: Just out of intellectual curiosity…not that I really want to know…but how does that spanky thing work?