Hard to believe, but of the 34 predictions made by the Notional Enquirer’s panel of leading psychics, none actually occurred.
Or maybe they did and I just didn’t hear about them.
I suppose I could have missed it, but I don’t remember a story about a UFO hovering over the Nevada desert nuclear-test site for a half hour. I don’t remember reading about live dinosaurs being hatched from eggs found frozen in the antarctic.
The Japanese did not invent a tiny microchip for implantation in the brain to treat victims of Alzheimer’s disease.
Russian psychics did not cause an entire town to be stricken with nausea, weakness, and headaches.
None of the presidential candidates dropped out of the race after a magazine ran a photo of him dressed as a woman. There was no remake of Charlie’s Angels starring Fawn Hall, Donna Rice, and Jessica Hahn. And no slugfest in a Washington restaurant between Ollie North and Gary Hart after Hart called North immoral.
On her 20th birthday, Lisa Marie Presley did not open a safety-deposit box and find two songs recorded for her by Elvis.
No one in the midwest, or anywhere else for that matter, gave birth to ten perfectly healthy babies.
We had disasters aplenty in 1988, but we got off easy considering what the psychics had in store for us. Millions of Americans were not affected by a mysterious skin condition that caused black splotches on the arms and legs. Fumes from a wrecked train in the South did not paralyze 50 people. There was no two-week downpour that flooded the upper midwest.
Funny, none of the psychics mentioned the summer-long drought.
Mideast terrorists did not hijack a New York subway and kill dozens.
Elizabeth Taylor did not marry Malcolm Forbes.
Jim Bakker did not divorce Tammy, and Mikhail Gorbachev did not divorce Raisa.
Madonna did not have twins.
Queen Elizabeth did not step down from the throne.
Clint Eastwood did not announce his candidacy for the 1992 presidential election.
Ted Kennedy did not have an affair with Entertainment Tonight host Mary Hart. Patrick Duffy and Larry Hagman did not have a brawl after Duffy wrote a tell-all book about Dallas.
Princess Diana and Fergie did not both become pregnant and have, respectively, a girl and a boy the same day.
Burt Reynolds did not release a box-office smash.
And Shirley MacLaine did not claim she was taken aboard a UFO and told she was their leader in a previous incarnation.