So you were expecting maybe books at a booksellers convention? Not a bad guess, but at BookExpo ’97, held last weekend at McCormick Place, it seemed books were about the last things on anybody’s mind. It was easier to track down a Bible word search, a set of bongo drums, or a Judy Garland charm necklace than to find an honest-to-goodness work of literature.If you waded through the Penn State helmet checkers games, “Jesus loves you very much” rubber stamps, the incense sticks, the freeze -dried astronaut food, the Edvard Munch pillows, Jenny McCarthy puzzles, the Captain Bible and the Dome Of Darkness CD-ROM,and Barney and Richard Simmons in the flesh, you could still locate a book or two, which you’ll no doubt be glad to find at your local emporium in the coming year.

A brief sampling of some of the highlights of this year’s exposition:

Least Inviting Book Title:

The Definitive Fart Book (CCC Publications).

Most Eye-Catching New Book Title:(three-way tie)

In Search of Goodpussy: Living Without Love by Don Spears,

Satisfying the Black Man Sexually, by Dr.

Rosie Milligan (both from Partners Publishing Group), and

A Hand In The Bush: The Fine Art Of Vaginal Fisting (Greenery Press).

Crassest Greeting Card Concept:

State of Man’s congratulatory card featuring

a naked man with a hand on his shlong and the caption

“I’ve Got to Hand It to You.”

Least Appealing Book Advertising Slogan:

“Will You Drop Dead Before You Finish Reading This?”

advertising Silent Clots (Catacombs Press).

Least Illuminating Educational Toy:

The Teacher’s Discovery Dealer Sales’

presidential facts poster features the following entry for Gerald Ford-

“Pardoned Nixon, then moved country forward.”

Worst Board Game Concept (two-way tie):

“Bible Baffle” and “Charge It: TheCrazy Credit Card Game” (both from Talicor.)

Most Unappetizing Diet BookTitle:

Exceed The Feed Limit by Vicki Park (Peppertree Press)

Most Provocative Book Title:

Scratching the Woodchuck: Natureon An Amish Farm

by David Kline (University of Georgia Press).