Works

Calling up your ex and asking to get married

Saying, “If you don’t make love to me, the terrorists win.”

Putting a toy camera in your shoe and pretending to be a CIA operative

Asking, “Want to fool around with my night-vision goggles?”

Doesn’t work

Calling up your ex and demanding your CDs back

Saying, “If you don’t make love to me and my buddies, the terrorists win.”

Claiming “tip-top national security secrets” as an excuse to return to your apartment before dawn

Asking, “Want to hide ‘Air Force One’?”