Sunday, December 1, 600 block of South State, 8:15 PM. Theft. Police observed 33-year-old male pushing city garbage receptacle down street. Offender told police he’d taken can from address on 1800 block of South Indiana in order to collect “junk.”

Monday, December 2, 5300 block of South Ellis, 4 PM. Burglary. Victim reported two containers of frozen concentrate stolen from freezer while she was on vacation. Police detected no sign of forced entry. Orange juice valued at $3.

Tuesday, December 3, 100 block of West Madison, 2:10 PM. Disorderly conduct. 45-year-old male offender was arrested after refusing to leave church. Security guard advised police that offender had previously been banned for picking fights with fellow worshipers.

Tuesday, December 17, or Wednesday, December 18, 3300 block of West 83rd Street, time unknown. Burglary. One tray of Salisbury steaks and a half bottle of consecrated wine was reported stolen from church two days after heist of 50 dollars’ worth of prime rib. Police speculate offender or offenders gained entry on both occasions by climbing playground equipment and entering through broken window.

Monday, December 23, 3400 block of South King Drive, 2:15 PM. Theft. Drugstore security guard observed 49-year-old male place contents of two boxes of Band-Aids and one box of suppository laxatives in jacket pocket and attempt to leave store without paying. Offender told police he boosted medicine because he hadn’t had a bowel movement in a week and was becoming concerned. The store declined to press charges, and offender was released with a warning never to return.

Wednesday, January 1, 5600 block of North Artesian, 2 AM. Burglary. 27-year-old female victim reported that while attending a party in the building, unknown offender or offenders entered her unlocked apartment and stole one pair of pink underpants.