January 10, 4 PM, 4700 block of North Damen. Battery. Woman entered shoe-repair shop and requested shoes. Owner asked for ticket, which woman didn’t have. She demanded shoes anyway. Owner told woman he was busy and she should come back later. Woman slammed hand on glass display case, which shattered, and fled.

January 11, 10:45 PM, 3700 block of North Broadway. Assault. Man dressed in fur coat and cowboy hat purchased pack of cigarettes at 7-Eleven and complained loudly about the $3.35 price. Clerk said, “The price is the price. I can’t do anything.” Man responded, “Don’t fuck with a drug dealer. I’ll whip your ass.” He went outside, pulled pistol from car, and waved it at clerk. Clerk got license plate number as man drove away. Police found man later at his apartment and arrested him.

January 14, 5:30 PM, 5400 block of South Woodlawn. Burglary. Rehabber spotted man trying to break into back of apartment building. Man fled, pursued by rehabber in car. Rehabber called police on cell phone and trailed man two blocks to grocery store. Inside store, rehabber and police observed man putting spice jars into his jacket. Man was arrested.

January 16, 1:30 PM, 2800 block of North Clark. Indecent conduct. Manager at Bally Total Fitness making routine check of locker room spotted two men fondling each other in shower and called police. Club declined to press charges, but men were stripped of membership and warned that they would be arrested for trespassing if they ever entered any Bally’s again.

–Neal Pollack