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August 1, 2:45 PM, 3600 block of North Southport. Public indecency. Police found man in gangway with black evening dress hiked over head. Passersby told police that man had been gesturing to them and shouting, “Look! I’m choking the bad chicken.” Police report stated that officers arrived “before the subject was able to reach his zenith.”

August 14, 2:30 PM, 3500 block of North Sheffield. Burglary. Man broke into apartment, ate food, and packed duffel bag full of electronic equipment. He called cab, ate more food, and waited. When cab didn’t show, he grew impatient, stole bicycle, and fled. Man left eyeglasses behind. Police were able to identify him because he’d left same style glasses behind after previous burglary.

August 25, 1 PM, 2600 block of West Jerome. Intimidation. Dishwasher repairman asked woman for $200 up front. She said no, and he refused to do work. Woman called husband, who came home and asked for phone number of repairman’s supervisor. Repairman refused and said, “I know how to fix guys like you. I’ve done it plenty of times before. You have a new house. I see those new windows. You’re gonna shit your pants.” Husband called police. Repairman left.

August 31, 11:45 PM, 1300 block of West Birchwood. Criminal damage to property. Man washed antique chair and put it on third-floor landing to dry. Neighbor approached him and said, “Move your chair. It’s a fire hazard!” Before man could respond, neighbor threw chair off landing. Chair was damaged. Neighbor was arrested.

–Neal Pollack