October 24, 9 AM, 1600 block of East 51st Street. Robbery. Man entered flower shop and ordered flowers. As owner prepared bouquet, man sprayed him with Mace. Owner nevertheless grabbed man and wrestled him to ground. Flower-shop employee called police, who arrived and arrested man. As police took him away, man said to owner, “I’m sorry. I usually don’t do this kind of thing.”

October 31, 1 AM, 5300 block of West Diversey. Assault. Man threw dollar bill at waiter after arguing over check at restaurant. “Now you can buy flowers for your funeral,” man said. He got into car, flashed gun at waiter, and sped away.

November 11, 9:20 PM, 3400 block of North Damen. Theft. Police spotted man putting light pole into car. Man claimed he was being paid by city to remove pole. Alderman’s office and police spoke with Streets and Sanitation, who said man didn’t work for city and wasn’t authorized to take pole.

November 12, 1 PM, 4500 block of North Winchester. Criminal trespass. Police arrested man sitting in chair at hospital. Security guard said that man had previously been arrested at hospital for impersonating a doctor and for hanging out in the women’s bathroom.

–Neal Pollack