August 1, 11:40 PM, 2200 block of West 68th. Burglary. Security guards spotted two men unloading cartons of frozen chicken from railroad boxcar. They called police, who arrested offenders. “I had a right to that chicken,” one offender protested. “I bought a ticket from the chicken man. How do I get my chicken back after court? Or are the police going to eat all my chicken?”

August 6, 10:30 AM, 4400 block of North Rockwell. Burglary. Woman saw man climbing through her window and confronted him. He said, “I need an apartment to live in.” Woman screamed. Man fled.

August 10, 8:40 PM, 1300 block of East 52nd. Robbery. Four teenagers wearing T-shirts wrapped around their faces approached man sitting on porch. They demanded money. Man ran inside house. He returned shouting and wielding large fork. Teenagers fled.

August 18, 4:15 PM, 2500 block of West Belmont. Aggravated battery. Man was leaving court building when taxicab sped toward him on sidewalk. He dived out of car’s path and avoided injury. Man told police he had just finished testifying against cabdriver in court.

–Neal Pollack