SEPTEMBER 16, 5:20 PM, 5000 BLOCK OF NORTH MARINE. Criminal damage to property. Police found man spattered with blood wandering lakefront and carrying a plastic bag containing four decapitated pigeons. Man said he’d killed pigeons with a homemade slingshot with the intention of eating them.

OCTOBER 10, 11:40 AM, 100 BLOCK OF WEST GERMANIA. Theft. Eighty-year-old man was sitting in passenger seat of car, waiting for wife to run an errand, when another man jumped into driver’s seat and sped away. Within a block or two, perpetrator decided he didn’t want car and drove back to scene of crime. After taking victim’s wallet and a purse containing $2,000, he promised to mail couple their identification and credit cards. He then fled on foot.

OCTOBER 21, 4:20 PM, 7400 BLOCK OF NORTH WESTERN. Criminal damage to property. Man walked into dry cleaner’s and asked owner, “Do you have any shirts for me?” Conversation ensued, and owner realized that man wished to take shirts without paying. He said, “No shirts for you.” Man threw owner’s calculator on floor, shattering it, and fled in car.