Dear Reader:

First of all, I love your paper. It’s part of my Chicago experience, and I will faithfully read you forever and ever, amen. I’m serious. Thank you and good job to you all.

I write to you now, however, to ask for a retraction of information printed in Liz Armstrong’s column in the April 15 edition of your paper.

I’ll make this brief. I’m a slam poet. I perform all over the country and have been published in numerous books and literary magazines. I performed last week at the Green Mill’s Uptown Poetry Slam (an event I’ll actually be hosting April 24) and won the slam, and it was all great fun.

In Armstrong’s column this week, however, a line from another girl’s poem has been attributed to me, and I have to nip this one in the bud.

I have not, nor will I ever write a poem about a “creep” who “made me come.” No, no, a thousand times no. I am not a prima donna. I try not to take myself too seriously either, but my work is important to me. Some other female poet that night wrote a poem about a guy who “made me come then made me breakfast.” The poem elicited groans from most of the audience, including me. Yuck. It wasn’t my line and never will be. That just ain’t my style.

So please note that “Tennessee” Mary did not pen/perform a poem about “the first time a certain creep made her come.”

Thank you for your understanding and attention to this matter.

“Tennessee” Mary Fons

Liz Armstrong replies:

Sorry about that.