Tuesday, May 23, 10:50 PM

Dispatcher: 1053? Assault just occurred, 22– 24th Street, first floor rear. Complainant caught a couple having sex on his property, asked them to leave, and the man threatened to burn down the house. 1053?

1053: Yeah, see if the complainant on this is gonna come out.

Dispatcher: Give him a call.

Dispatcher number two: For your information, 1053, the complainant doesn’t want to talk to you. He just wants you to handle the situation.

1053: All right, squad, I found ’em.

Unidentified Caller: Handle the situation.

1053: They don’t want me to join in.

Dispatcher: You’re sick, you’re real sick.

Wednesday, May 24, 12:05 AM

Dispatcher: Ma’am, could you ride on a domestic, please, 45– Whipple in the backyard? Caller’s saying the father is not supposed to be on the property–male Hispanic wearing a construction helmet and a multicolored cape. Carryin’ a cup.

942: A cape, huh?

Dispatcher: Ten-four.

Unidentified Caller: The Village People.

Dispatcher: 942?

942: I’m taking this man with a cape to Mount Sinai.

Dispatcher: OK.

942: Yes, he does wear it.

Dispatcher: OK. Do you know why?

942: That’s why we’re goin’ to Mount Sinai.

Unidentified Caller number two: Helps when you’re flyin’.

Wednesday, May 24, 12:30 AM

Unidentified Caller: Yeah, you need one rock there.

Unidentified Caller number two: You shut your mouth.

Unidentified Caller number three: Hey, night guys: only way you can make an arrest.

Unidentified Caller number four: Shut yer pie hole.

Unidentified Caller number three: The night lump-lumps can’t handle third watch.

Unidentified Caller number five: Rock–roll.

Unidentified Caller number three: Pie hole.