Tuesday, March 23, 12:30 AM

Dispatcher: How about startin’ the day at a criminal trespass in progress, 2226 Western, 2226 South on Western at the Fun Wash? Male went to sleep in the laundromat, refusin’ to leave.

1034: Musta ran outta quarters.

Dispatcher: 1024, 1024, how about a parker on your beat–24– Saint Louis, so your stats can get up there? Streets and San needs to work on a hydrant, there’s a car blockin’ it.

1024: That’s a big job, Big Joe.

Dispatcher: Your partner put me up to it.

1024: Hey Big Joe, are you parked on the street or are you parked in the lot over there?

Dispatcher: In the lot.

1024: Yeah, well, all of a sudden you’re parked on the street. Parked where my ticket book says you are.

Dispatcher: OK, 1111, how about an injury-to-persons report, 44– W. Rice, on the street? Got a J—- complaining, states she was walking, fell into a hole near the curb. She’ll be waitin’ there.

1111: Not in 11.

Unidentified Caller: Maybe she meant she found a ho near the curb?

Unidentified Caller number two: There’s ho’s in 11?

Sunday, April 4, 1:20 AM

Dispatcher: We’re getting criminal damage to property in progress, 21– N. Laramie. Got two tickets says two to three carloads of people breakin’ the windows in that area, caller stated they were gang members, no further, 25th District, zone 12. 2515?

2515: That’s on our beat, so I guess we’ll take it.

Dispatcher: Ten-four. OK, one of the tickets, 2515, says that at 21– N. Laramie they broke out the windows of that house, no description of the offenders. 2522?

2522: 22?

Dispatcher: Disregard. 2515, for information now. 2515, now we’re getting shots fired, shots fired over at Laramie and Palmer, Palmer and Laramie, caller stated it’s a third-party call, shots were fired there, three houses from the corner, caller thinks. OK, and 2515, now we’re getting at 21– N. Laramie a domestic, neighbors saying a couple are fighting and arguing.

2515: All right, no need to tell us any more. We’ll go there and figure out what’s up.

Dispatcher: You got your pick: criminal damage, shots fired, or domestic.

2515: We’ll take ’em all.

Unidentified caller: Or total BS.

Unidentified caller number two: That’s a good one.

Sunday, April 4, 1:40 AM

Dispatcher: 21? How about a missing persons, 16– South on Homan? Yeah, they’re callin’ back for whatever reason.

1021: ‘Cause they’re drunk, inbred hillbilly bastards.

Dispatcher: 19-Paul?

1021: We just took their report.

Dispatcher: Ten-four.

Unidentified caller: “Homan Hillbillies”?

Unidentified caller number two: Hey, I don’t live on Homan!