Thursday, July 3, 10:05 AM

Dispatcher: Anybody out there with an opening device for 6– W. Armitage? A handicapped person locked herself out of the car and there’s a puppy inside. It’s a gray Jeep Cherokee.

Unidentified Caller: Break the window!

Dispatcher: No volunteers? OK.

Wednesday, July 9, 3:50 PM

Dispatcher: Attention to units out in 23, if you hear any gunshots in the vicinity of the 900 block of Lawrence, don’t panic. It’s only a movie. I have no idea what time, though.

Unidentified Caller: Shoot-’em-up?

Dispatcher: Yeah, they didn’t even tell us the title.

Unidentified Caller Number Two: U.S. Marshals with Tommy Lee Jones and Wesley Snipes.

Dispatcher: Well, one out of two isn’t bad.

Unidentified Caller Number Three: No, that’s the wrong movie. It’s some other movie on Newport that nobody special’s in it.

Unidentified Caller Number Four: Everybody’s special.

Dispatcher: The only special people are you and us. That’s it.

Unidentified Caller Number Five: Well, isn’t that special!

Wednesday, July 9, 11:40 PM

Dispatcher: 1011, I have something major for you, major. 13– S. Pulaski, got fly dumpers, fly dumpers in a blue and white Chevy pickup. Whenever you get there.

1011: Ten-four.

1042: 1042.

Dispatcher: 1042?

1042: Yeah. How do they keep the flies in the truck?

Dispatcher: They’re trained flies. 43, 1143?

1143: We’re still down at the crime scene.

Unidentified Caller: Your whole life is a crime scene.

1011: 1011 again. Squad, we don’t see no flies dumping over here. Make that a 19-Paul, unfounded.