Monday, December 25, 11:45 PM

Dispatcher: 2131, Mr. Jackson says he’s homeless and he’s in need of a warming center. Now if you’re gonna need the wagon let me know, ’cause he’s gonna have to wait a little bit longer.

2131: Ten-four.

Unidentified Caller: Merry Christmas!

2133: 2133, merry Christmas. Why don’t you let me take that job? I can take him.

Dispatcher: Oh, OK, thank you. That is so nice. 2131?

2131: I agree.

Tuesday, December 26, 12:40 AM

Dispatcher: 1124, units in 11 and citywide, got a call for a person stabbed, person stabbed on Monroe, 24-year-old female being beaten up, stabbed in the neck, slashes on the face, fire’s respondin’, the offender is near–man! 1124, that’ll be your job.

1124: Ten-four.

Dispatcher: I guess the ho-ho-ho is over, huh?

Unidentified Caller: Wait till New Year’s.

Dispatcher: You know what? I’m gonna be off for New Year’s Eve.

Tuesday, December 26, 12:50 AM

Dispatcher: 1013, see if you believe this: 21– south on Springfield, complainant says that they took $50,000 worth of property out of his truck.

1013: He musta purchased the Hope Diamond at that silent auction.

Dispatcher: Yeah, he’s probably comin’ from the flea market on 33rd and Cicero. In fact, he probably is the flea.

Friday, December 29, 12:05 AM

Dispatcher: 43rd and Washington, they’re out smokin’ dope and stuff.

Unidentified Caller: Sounds like a plan.

Friday, December 29, 12:20 AM

Unidentified Caller: I want to charge him with possession of a handgun and home invasion, but I can’t find the arrest report anywhere.

Unidentified Caller #2: Imagine that.