Saturday, August 30, 11:00 PM

Unidentified caller: Squad, is anybody hearin’ that Princess Di is dead?

Dispatcher: I know, it’s a terrible thing. We just heard about that, it’s terrible. It should’ve been Camilla or Princess Charles. She never hurt anybody.

Unidentified caller number two: What are you talking about?

Dispatcher: Princess Di was involved in a car accident in Paris and now she’s gone.

Unidentified caller number two: [static] Princess Grace?

Dispatcher: No, Lady Diana.

Unidentified caller number two:

She was also killed in a car accident.

Dispatcher: Right, but that was a few years ago. But you are correct.

Unidentified caller number three: What’s al-Fayed gonna do now?

Dispatcher: Dodi, or whatever his name is, he was dead too. So’s the chauffeur.

Unidentified caller number four: Will they give him full benefits?

Dispatcher: 1912, 1912. Yeah, 1912, looks like we’re gettin’ a person stabbed, a man stabbed, possibly gang related, 3— N. Ashland on the second floor. We have no further information, but we do have fire rollin’.

Unidentified caller number five: It’s a conspiracy.

Unidentified caller number four: It’s because these journalists were hot to get a picture. They kill people for it.

Dispatcher: All right. 1956? I think maybe we found your person here threatening suicide. We have 1— W. School, he’s on the train tracks, he has a jagged bottle against his neck, and then he’s threatening to jump in front of a train over there.

Unidentified caller number six: Why’d Diana have to die?

Unidentified caller number four: Somebody better check out Charles and his little secret English CIA.

Unidentified caller number five: It’s a conspiracy.

Unidentified caller number seven: The Queen Mother did it.

Unidentified Caller Number Four: Where’s O.J.?