Friday, October 11, 2 am

1873: Any units on the scene at 850 N. Michigan or inside, leave the premises now. The K-9 puppies are on the scene–they’ll be coming in shortly. Get out of the premises or you’ll be dog food.

Unidentified caller: All they’ll do is take a little nibble.

Another unidentified caller: Nibbles and bits.

Saturday, October 26, 12:15 am

Dispatcher: 2313? Take a ride on this one–we got an attempted suicide. I can’t wait no longer on assigning someone to this. Take a ride to North Lake Shore Drive. This is on Lake Shore Drive. The complainant was driving southbound and between Fullerton and Belmont saw a man standing on a ledge of cement looking like he was going to jump. We’ll contact citywide if there’s anything to it, but take a ride by, see if you see anyone attempting to jump.

2313: Ten-four.

Dispatcher: And don’t pull up underneath ’em.

Wednesday, October 30, 11:30 am

2525: Squad, we can’t get the spare out.

Dispatcher: Great. 2525, did you just have a flat, or did you blow it out like I did?

2525: It’s a flat. This whole day sucks.

Dispatcher: Can anybody help 2525 out with a tire, a new tire? Anybody?

Unidentified caller: Yeah, where you at?

2525: By Menard’s, blocking this jag-off tire.

Unidentified caller: Tell me how you feel.

2525: Like killing some people.