Wednesday, December 11, 11:40 AM

Dispatcher: Anyone who had their car parked in front of the station–somebody plowed into ’em, they’re all messed up. If your car was parked in front of the station, call in. We don’t need to give plates or anything, you know who you are. Call in.

1014: Them boys are gonna need new cars for Christmas.

Unidentified caller: Did they get the guy?

Dispatcher: He’s there–he’s in bad shape.

Unidentified caller: Good.

Monday, December 16, 12:55 AM

Dispatcher: 108, go ahead.

108: Yeah, I’m goin’ in with a “quality of life” arrest.

Dispatcher: All right! Quality of life, hahahaha…

108: See if maybe I can get this guy to come on board our CAPS program.

Dispatcher: They’re still asking for volunteers for the Civil Air Patrol?

108: Nah, sidewalk inspectors.

Dispatcher: Coitanly.

Wednesday, December 18, 12:35 AM

Dispatcher: 1132?

1132: What?

Dispatcher: We’re gonna start you off over here–this could be interesting, at best. [Address] Jackson, on the one. It’s a domestic with a female–says she’s heating up the grease to pour on him. I guess he must have really pissed her off. Says it’s a triangle relationship with another female waiting outside. Film at 11.

Unidentified caller: Hey, let’s go!

Dispatcher: [Address] Jackson, on the one.

1132: What was that number?

Dispatcher: [Address] Jackson, on the one. Gotta ask her if she likes it extra crispy.

Unidentified caller number two: Ah, she’s just heating it up a little bit, you know what I’m saying?

Unidentified caller number three: She likes her man hot.

Dispatcher: Hot and juicy?

Unidentified caller number three: Hot and crispy.