Dispatcher: OK, ah yeah, double 25, take a ride over to the Nixon School, 2121 Keeler. Ah, in the principal’s office they’ve got a child abuse. They’ve got a five-year-old girl in there, her face is covered with cigarette burns.
Officer 2525: Maybe she’s just a near-sighted smoker, but I doubt it. All right. 2121 Keeler.
Dispatcher: If you do have a problem and you need a female officer for that little girl then let me know.
Dispatcher: 2525? Meet 6270, Cicero and Fullerton.
Officer 2525: OK.
Officer 6270: That’s the Dunkin Donuts parking lot just south of Fullerton on Cicero.
Dispatcher: Well, where else would you sit? You’re the police.
Officer 6270 (laughing): Knew that was coming.
Dispatcher: 1543. Got ahold of a shoplifter at 5522 Madison. The security guard thinks this person is mental. So if it don’t look right when you get there, let me know, ’cause the wagon’s at the car wash right now.
Officer 1523: I’m not too far from that location. I’ll take a ride also.
Dispatcher: OK, 1523, that’s hip.
Dispatcher: 1531? ’31 and ’22, we got a couple of calls on this, so I gotta send you guys. I got a disturbance with two drunks, and they’re urinating in the Kentucky Fried Chicken. That must be the secret recipe. 762 N. Laramie.
Officer 1531: I don’t think I’ll ask for lunch to get to that one.
Dispatcher: Yeah, just don’t lick your fingers.
Dispatcher: OK, 1531 is next.
Officer 1531: Squad, is the wagon available?
Dispatcher: Still at the car wash. [Pause.] 1572, you still sudsy?
Officer 1572: Yeah squad, we’re about to roll out. Wha’d you need?
Dispatcher: OK, they’re gonna need you at 762 N. Laramie. They got a couple of sticky ones at the Kentucky Fried. They’re gonna hang, they’re gonna wait for ya .
Officer (asking about a car stolen on Pulaski earlier): Where’d the Frank-Paul-Boy plate come back to?
Dispatcher: Metropolis, Illinois, in an ’84 Ford. Superman did it. [Long pause.] Boy, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard such stunning silence. [Another pause.] OK guys, we’re gonna switch over here. I gotta get to the tavern before happy hour’s over.