Dear Editor,

WHAT!?! You had a Q-101 staff member write an article about a subject where he is already so highly prejudiced [Hitsville, September 1]? No wonder the article was so bitter! Q-101, like that geek in high school, tries so hard to be hip but always seems so phony. Even “Pearl Jam” blasted them at their sold-out Soldier Field show. Their current morning show is another failure in a long string of lame-assed attempts, and their music is mostly made up of forgotten-in-a-week novelty or one-hit wonders.

He says the word “rock” is too obvious in “Rock 103.5.” (Ouch, he got us there.) He is absolutely right. WE want people to listen. We are not exclusive, we are inclusive. Yes, “Rock 103.5” is an obvious name, but so is Coke, Kleenex and Chevy. Sorry.

Chicago has always been the center of cutting-edge radio. That’s why when an import from New York is beamed here via satellite we are not impressed. Been there. Done that. I agree that Howard Stern’s days are numbered. He’s about ready to be a two-time loser. The man is obsessed with me. His attempts against me are so pathetic and overused I almost feel sorry for him. On the day of my father’s funeral he was saying I should “fist” my father’s corpse and then do my mother. This is a sick individual whom I believe is like a radio version of a punch-drunk Ali. Bob Hope still comes out year after year with that pumped up laugh track. Sinatra forgets the lyrics to even his most memorable songs if his eyes leave the TelePrompTer for a second. It’s sad to see legends fall. These guys had class and talent though–Howie is just a puffed up blowfish shit ready to be flushed into the Chicago River.

Your unethical writer also failed to mention (as I humbly do now) Mancow’s Morning Madhouse is number one with adults between the ages of 18-48, according to the most recent Arbitron. Mancow’s Morning Madhouse is the fastest rising show in Chicago radio history. Stern is 14th.

Worldwide my battle with Stern is the hottest radio story there is. Period. While all the old-timers talk about the “Disco Days,” “New York,” or “failed TV shows” we are truly trying something new. I believe an ice age is headed towards all of these ego-crazed radio dinosaurs and I am happy to be steering the glacier.

God bless,

Mancow Muller

Rock 103.5 Morning Dude

Bill Wyman replies:

. . . What?!!? Oh, sorry, I must have nodded off. First, I’m not a Q-101 staffer, though, as I noted in the column, I did cohost a weekly critic’s show there. (The show has since ended.) Secondly, silly Mancow calls me “unethical” because I didn’t mention his ratings achievement. But I did: in the first paragraph of the column, I wrote that he “ruled the roost” and was “number one in the key ratings category.” Muller didn’t notice. He was too busy talkin’ ’bout his d-d-demographics.