Dear Reader:

One evening I asked a Dominick’s cashier for condoms. It began like old jokes, with someone yelling into a mike, “Customer needs assistance with condoms.”

The manager actually had to be called. Doesn’t anyone else know where they are? As the manager approached I said, “I just want to know the right aisle for condoms.” He replied, “I have to unlock the case for you.”

We walked through the store, he unlocked the case, then he stood there next to me. “That’s all I need,” I said. He said, “I have to stay to lock it up.” I was forced to make my selection under his watchful eyes.

Would a teenager go through this–or decide not to use condoms?

I decided to offer my opinion, suggesting that he convey it to upper management. He informed me in no uncertain terms that he was powerless and upper management disinterested.

–T. Bedno

Mark Mann replies:

Seen in a men’s room stall at DePaul University’s new library:

A bad book is to the mind

what dogshit is to the shoe.