I’m sitting near the entrance of a bar one Monday night when this guy–young, shaved head, wearing camouflage pants and a tank top–walks in. He approaches my table, mumbles something about being sorry to disturb me, and asks me to buy something.

I’m expecting candy, cologne, StreetWise, or something equally innocuous. Instead he pulls out of his shoulder bag this device with a green rubber ball and leather straps. An illustration on the package shows a man, eyes bulging, with the green ball strapped into in his mouth.

“Uh, no thanks,” I say.

“I can guarantee it’s never been used,” he says.

A born salesman, I think. “I believe you,” I tell him, “but I’m not interested.”

The guy puts the sex toy back in his bag and walks over to a table of girls, but they refuse to hear his sales pitch and he leaves.

The waitress walks up. I tell her what the guy was selling and she gives me a funny look. A couple minutes later I see her with the bartender and another waitress. They’re all looking at my table. –Mark Lawton

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