Dear Datebook:

I’m a straight girl and devoted reader of the Savage Love column that runs in your paper, but my boyfriend insists that columnist Dan Savage is not a real person. He says Savage is a pseudonym for a bunch of overly pierced interns (or maybe a clutch of bubbies) who make up all the letters and answers in the column, getting their yuks while they’re at it. He says the Rogers Park boyhood, Catholic-school education, and Chicago-cop dad are made-up background for a fictional character. He won’t play out my spanking fantasies either. What can I do?

–Simply a Very Average Girl Eager for a Nub

You need to dump this creep, SAVAGEFAN, but before you do, drag him to Winnetka. Savage will make an in-the-flesh appearance there this week to hype the paperback release of his 2002 book, Skipping Towards Gomorrah, in which he travels to places like Las Vegas and Chicago’s northern suburbs to research the seven deadly sins and defend your constitutional right to the pursuit of happiness. The seven deadlies (a quaint concept, but you might remember them) are greed, lust, sloth, anger, envy, pride, and gluttony–in other words, the usual subjects of Savage’s column. And if that’s not enough, he gives a few good spankings to right-wing moralists like William Bennett and Robert Bork along the way. He’ll read and sign books at 11 AM on Saturday, October 4, at the Book Stall at Chestnut Court, 811 Elm in Winnetka. Call 847-446-8880 for more information.