Metaphors from hell, or in this case from Joe Cicero, executive director of the North River Commis-sion, in One City (November/ December 1988): “If the symphony and the opera are continually necessary to calm our savage breasts, why then aren’t neighborhood organizations similarly supported since it is they who provide the glue supporting our municipal feet of clay?”

“In marketing Uptown as ‘Lincoln Park North’ developers seem to be targeting their message to young, urban professionals,” according to the Chicago Reporter (November 1988). “Yet rarely do developers’ advertisements mention Uptown’s growing black population. At a recent real estate exposition, the crowds around the booths of Uptown developers were overwhelmingly white, as were the people working in the booths.” This could prove a costly omission, according to Joseph Bute Jr., executive director of the Organization of the NorthEast (ONE): “Blacks are paying a premium for rental housing in some of the worst neighborhoods in the city. If you’re already paying far too much of your earnings for shelter on the West Side why not move to Uptown where you can get better transportation, schools and amenities in an area where a third of the population is black?” Concludes the Reporter, “Many real estate experts and bankers believe that developers…will have to attract more minority renters for their rehabbed apartment buildings if they are to survive.”

“Christie and her girl-trading father would like the thirty-something working women of this country to believe that Playboy had something to do with their ‘liberation,'” writes Nina Burleigh in the “Entre Nous” section of Windy City Times (December 8). “Actually, they must be putting out that concept for men. In their corporate hearts they cannot really believe that working women will buy that idea, because every working woman…. has a story to tell about sexual harassment…. Ask any woman what it’s like, walking along a downtown street on a hot summer day dressed for the weather…. Women became beneficiaries of the free-love movement via the Pill and abortion, not pornography. Playboy’s revolution was actually that of expanding the limits of acceptability for male-oriented pornography.”

A football fan’s New Year’s resolution, from NPR’s Scott Simon (WBEZ Radio Guide, December 1988): He pledges “not [to] talk about the latest Chicago Bears game to my friends and coworkers past the Wednesday following the game (or Thursday after a Monday game), unless, of course, it was really extraordinary.”

Not enough. “If you smoke,” says Philip Morris Magazine, “nearly 40% of the price you pay for a pack of cigarettes is the result of tobacco excise taxes.”

An ounce of mumps vaccine… Employers should require mumps vaccinations of employees, says the Chicago Department of Health, following a recent Journal of the American Medical Association article that calculated the costs of the 1987 mumps outbreak at the Chicago futures exchanges. According to the JAMA report, “The cost of nearly $1,500 [in medical care and lost wages] for each case at the futures exchanges contrasts dramatically with the costs of mumps vaccine at $4.47 per dose in the public sector and $8.80 per dose in the private sector at the time of the outbreak.”

Why lobby for compromise? Tobin Richter, president of the Landmarks Preservation Council of Illinois, writes, “It is usually not LPCI’s role to be pragmatic about preservation. Pragmatists will always emerge in any situation.”

“We have all read about the attempts in the Soviet Union to develop a more open society and government,” grouses William J. Leahy in Leahy’s Corner (December 1988). “Oh, if such reforms would only reach Chicago! A Communist Party candidate ran against Dan Rostenkowski in the 8th Congressional District, but neither the Tribune nor the Sun-Times would give his vote or list his name in the final pages of vote counts. The totals for other candidates with small votes were given.”

Backpacking doesn’t count. At next month’s Greater Chicagoland RV & Camper Show, salespeople will show off the latest “vans, motorhomes, travel trailers,

folddowns, fifth wheels, and park models,” according to a press release. If you’re new to this form of conspicuous consumption, sales reps “will also assist first-time buyers–those who have never tried the outdoor experience before.”

Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Carl Kock.