Dear editor,

After reading last week’s cover story by Ted Kleine entitled “Hot and Bothered,” I strongly feel you left out one key and critical expert source. His name is Dr. Chicken Little, director of the Barnyard Institute of Climatology. If you don’t recall, Dr. Little was famous in the recent past when he proved, with just minimal scientific study, that the sky was indeed falling. Luckily, because of Dr. Little’s genius-level scientific insight, the entire planet was able to avoid disaster. Whew! Dr. Little’s perspective on global warming would have really put your article over the top.

Despite this glaring omission, I still wanted to applaud the Reader’s and Mr. Kleine’s bravery and intellectual integrity in completely ignoring even the pretense of journalistic objectivity or scientific skepticism in order to forward this great tradition of doomsaying.

It was actually a feat to ignore all the contradictory voices and data that exist against global warming. For example, the Petition Project, a petition that contains the signatures of a tiny number of 17,000 scientists. These jerks have the audacity to cling to their scientific integrity instead of following the lead of us normal people who have no use for the power of reason and logic in our everyday lives.

I also love that part that “the five warmest [winters on record] have all occurred since 1990.” Consider that meteorologists have only been keeping records since 1880, just over 140 years, and accurate satellite data has only existed for a few decades. Now compare that data set to the millions of years of history of the earth’s atmosphere, and one can see what an “accurate” sampling of meteorological data that we are making assumptions upon and, consequently, decisions of worldwide scope. This type of accurate sampling is just like conducting an election-year poll of a single voter and predicting that Ralph Nader will win the next presidential election in a landslide with 99.99% of the vote. Great work!

What was even more impressive was ignoring the scientists who have things called “facts” and “data” to prove that even if this myth of global warming (that we’re all working so hard to perpetuate) actually comes about, it is actually good for the earth.

There’s that evil Dr. Robert Balling, director of the Climate Laboratory at Arizona State University, and the dastardly Dr. Richard Lindzen of MIT’s Center of Meteorology, who have found overwhelming evidence that during previous periods of warmer climates and higher CO2 levels, the earth’s agricultural and human civilization showed their greatest periods of growth and intellectual advances. Why would anyone want a warmer climate if it leads to advances in human civilization? How annoying!

Some scientists even think that the earth’s normal temperature is supposed to be warmer than it currently is and that “global warming” is in reality just the environment regulating itself to its normal state. What bastards!

Even though we know that global warming is unproven and most likely a myth, please keep up the great work of confusing and scaring your readers with faulty data, lies, shrill conjecture portrayed as fact and anecdotal evidence. Anytime you can keep logic, reason, facts, and healthy scientific skepticism out of your paper you’ve done a great job.

Mike Timble

Horner Park