In his struggle to express himself, Richard M. Daley has uttered some colorful language in 2001. For those who can’t picture what’s inside the mayor’s head, here’s an illustrated guide. “Scrutiny? What else do you want? Do you want to take my shorts? Go scrutinize yourself. I get scrutined every day.” –on whether his brother […]
Torture survivors have their day.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day, but economists are almost always wrong when predicting the future. Confounded by the severity of the current recession, most economists continued to believe that better times were just around the corner. Last spring the experts at Credit Suisse First Boston said the economy appeared to be […]
E-mail graphics in 2001 offered the usual blend of comedy and mystery, with the occasional sex act thrown in–until September 11. The “first war of the 21st century” is also the first war in which private citizens had E-mail, allowing the masses to create and disseminate homemade propaganda. Some of the common themes were old […]
How We Can learn to Stop Worrying and Love the Death Penalty
Sure, Bjork wore a stuffed swan to the Oscars in March. Vogue, People, and Esquire magazines put out simultaneous “age issues” in August. And after 66 years in business, Mademoiselle folded in October. But here are
Farewell to Great Expectations, where Bellow got angry, Auden got comfortable, and Dylan Thomas got loaded.
Works Calling up your ex and asking to get married Saying, “If you don’t make love to me, the terrorists win.” Putting a toy camera in your shoe and pretending to be a CIA operative Asking, “Want to fool around with my night-vision goggles?” Doesn’t work Calling up your ex and demanding your CDs back […]
Sam Zell’s birthday party sends the city ducking for cover.
Pearls From the Collected Works of Richard Roeper. . .
The year 2001 is almost at an end, and, let’s face it, it’s just not as good as the movie. Instead of ushering in a new era of intergalactic exploration, that bone tossed into the air by our alpha-monkey ancestor millions of years ago seems to have clattered to earth as little more than a […]
“One tool that might be used against terrorism that is not in the new legislation is torture. While torture will probably never become a legal tool, there are some who are starting to think it might not be such a bad idea….Is torture effective? An option? Something we should think about?” — Neal Conan, host […]
Spontaneous Anthrax Symptoms: Shortness of breath, palpitating heart, fleeting but discerible thrill Method of Transmission: Mysterious neighbors, wacky cousins Likelihood of Contraction: Low for employed adults, high for teenagers Probability of Recovery: High Inspiration Anthrax Symptoms: Increased brain activity, feeling of superiority, sleeplessness Method of Transmission: Bad novels, new love affairs, poignant encounters on public […]
To help children understand the post-September 11 world, Topps released a series of “Enduring Freedom” cards depicting Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, and other “civilian and military leaders entrusted to guide us through this fight.” Not surprisingly, there were no lefties in the set. Imagine a baseball-card series that included Curt Schilling but not Randy Johnson! […]
Political Atrocities 2001