I found a shoebox the other day full of old letters, pictures, a cell phone, ticket stubs, and other assorted dated (emphasis on date) items that I had accumulated over the years. It was like I had this time capsule under my bed, a Chuck Taylor shoebox full of sentimental value that came from a time not so long ago with memories, which in some cases, are from people who seem from a time very very very long ago. So, I sat there like a archeologist looking at the artifacts from first dates, bad break-ups, and missed chances. It was kind of interesting, sent me on a emo roller coaster accompanied nicely by cuddle-core hits of should never be forgotten bands. Which, by the way, I read that cuddle-core is a genre which was a discovery that made me feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It sounds so much better than emo. I mean emo? Emo Phillips is hilarious. You know what else is really funny? Fans of emo music. See, now I don’t have to walk on egg shells around the topic. If a girl asks if I listen to emo I can directly and confidently say no, but I do like cuddle-core. The way it works is it has the world cuddle so the girl instantly knows I am fan of spooning and I also said “core” so I don’t lose any of my rugged, masculine, I don’t know, overall I’m not looking to feel sorry for myself or pout and cry when this ends sort of vibe so I remain both open while maintaining a hard shell to mask feelings. I suppose it is a bit of a lie but at the same time, I don’t want to give the girl the idea that I just lay there vulnerable in which case she may just latch on and rip me to pieces and leave what’s left just out to decay. Staying strong with open arms and keeping those feelings on the shelf until the right time. You have to gauge and time it. You go just bit, the other person goes a bit, then you go a bit, then the other, then you raise it, then they see your raise and they raise it and then…and then…well, fuck it. By that point you are all in so you sit there like a rabbit in the headlights and hope that you did not misread a thing.
Looking back at these reacquainted items that conjure feelings, all mistakes make their way to the surface quickly. Then there is reading between the lines and shuffling through all the ‘what if’ questions. Then that game gets really pointless and it’s realized how the two parts (you and the other person) would not work out given present day. But then again what if that person never surfaced. They never crossed paths with you. Oh yeah, now comes the fun game of ‘would it have made a difference?”. Maybe. Then again maybe not. I mean, that is just admitting either defeat or victory or just realizing how they became or you wound up an antidote or punchline. You get to be ‘that guy’ and they become ‘that girl’. But the first date went so incredibly well. It went well because all parties were on their best behavior. The second date, well that was more lax. Hints are made (and usually not realized) as to who the person is. That barrier is gone and you are more casual and the second date is way more important; in a way it’s actually the first date. It’s the first time that you and the other person are concentrating on the other person. No nerves, no expectations really and if there are, they will be seen a mile away. You are actually listening and you pick up on things. You start doing that association game. Alright, let’s do that quickly:
Here is how it works. The person says something and instantly your brain shuffles through all files (your brain actually turns into a Rolodex at this point) and a card flies out. Whatever is on that card is then date stamped (cause you are on a date and dating) and this is how you are going to view the person. Alright, those are the rules and I will show you how this works. Remember, this is all excepts and in the context of casual conversation. Ok, ready?
I have a headache
She has a boyfriend
Do you still have that number from that one chick you met last week? You do? Awesome, call it.
Alright, flip side:
Yeah, something really
I know exactly what you are talking about
He has no fucking clue or interest
Yeah, you do dress smart
He is totally staring at my chest! Asshole! God, where is the number from the place I went the other night when I told him I had a headache.
Alright, so you see how this works. Those are just easy ones. When those cards start popping up you just pull the old “yeah, do you know which way the restroom is?” and then bolt. In practice the game is much more tricky but the point is things come out and the worst thing that can come out are traces of the last boyfriend or girlfriend.
It is so lame. I have been on dates where the recap to friends is that I feel like I know more about him than I do about her and I can say that I right now I could care less about both. The other thing to watch out for is how often or how much the person has to state they are single, especially after checking their phone. The person checks, then makes it a point to waste five minutes telling you how they are single. Yeah, it was something that was established before the first date/ hangout/ agreed upon meeting so while you are still waiting to move on in conversation, they wanna drag it back to the beginning and start over. Awesome, then at this pace you will move on to after dinner drinks in like 5 years. If the same points keep coming up you either have to confront the issue or just turn and move on. Alright, let’s move on.
So there is time and it sucks given the instant gratification nowadays. iPod app? Yeah brah! Gots-it! See, people just abbreviate and make up words. I’m sorry, I will rephrase: abbreve brah ;P DoN’t B H8N 😛
Yeah, ok so we have evolved to the point of not really communicating in the age of communication. Alright,