I caught Oprah this morning, yeah, I know, but Price Is Right wasn’t on yet and the remote was somewhere not in the general vicinity of the stove and I was busy with breakfast. Plus I had music playing really loud, the computer on, and was also trying to answer some messages on my phone so there was a lot of action happening in the kitchen. I didn’t notice the news was over and Oprah had started so as I finished with my multi-tasking I walked over to flip the channel when all of a sudden she got all serious. I thought it was a rouse, like she was throwing the audience off and then was going to give them all free cars or homes or autographed cookbooks but instead what she did was introduce the audience to this woman who was marrying a guy currently serving consecutive life sentences for murder. She met him at a prison dance while she doing volunteer work and the two fell in love. I don’t really know how a prison dance works, I mean how much room do you leave between the dancing couples? My girlfriend in high school went to an all girls catholic school and their prom was the biggest cock block ever. Every time you went for it you the nuns swooped in and gave you that “burn in hell!” look. I can’t even begin to explain the amount of post prom underage drinking it took to scratch that look from my memory. I can only imagine the type of blue balls you would get at a prison dance. You have a bunch of guys who haven’t had regular contact with women in sometime so put them in a room with good looking women who do charity work and then add a bunch of guards with guns and tear gas to the mix. Sounds like a party. Anyway, the two got married in prison. I’m not sure what he made the ring out of but I hear some inmates can make some pretty wicked toilet wine. They should do wine tours of prisons, you know, like a group of enthusiasts go from penitentiary to penitentiary and compare the merlot at one federal institution to the port wine at another. And you can even have the sommelier give a lecture. I wouldn’t go but I wouldn’t mind if you got me a t-shirt. Anyway, it got me thinking about all the letters from prison that are mailed to me and so I am going to post some here. If you wanna contact them, just send me an email and I will give you their name, let you know which prison they are in, their inmate number, and any other pertinent information. Who knows, you may wind up on Oprah explaining how you know them like no one else can and I may wind up cocking my head like a dog at the tv while listening to the story. On the bright side, you know you will always have a woman for conjugal visits. This guy is in for “a non-violent drug offense.” I don’t know if that will land you on Oprah, but here he is:
